How to control jealousy with your partner

Jealousy is a universal human emotion that we have all experienced to a greater or lesser extent at some point. Although it is primarily associated with romantic relationships, it can appear in other areas of life, such as friendship, family, or work. Jealousy is a mix of fear, insecurity, and the perception of a threat to something we consider valuable. This emotion can be both healthy and destructive, depending on how it is managed. In this article, we will explore what jealousy is, its causes, how it manifests, and how to learn to manage it so that it does not harm our relationships and emotional well-being.

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is an emotional response to the perception that an important relationship is in jeopardy. This threat can be real or imagined, and jealousy often arises from a fear of losing the affection, attention, or position in the life of someone we value. Although it can have a rational basis, it is often fueled by personal insecurities or previous experiences.

On a biological level, jealousy may be related to evolution, as it ensures the protection of valuable relationships or resources, such as a partner or family. However, in modern life, this emotion can take on disproportionate dimensions and become a problem if not managed properly.

Types of jealousy.

There are different types of jealousy, depending on the context in which they manifest:

• Romantic jealousy: This is the most well-known and common type of jealousy. This type of jealousy occurs in relationships when one of the members perceives a threat of infidelity or feels that their partner is showing interest in another person.
• Family jealousy: This may arise between siblings competing for parental attention, or in other family relationships when a person feels that someone close to them is receiving more affection or preference.
• Jealousy in friendship: In this case, jealousy may appear when a friend feels threatened by the inclusion of a new person in the circle of friends or when he or she perceives that his or her position of trust is in danger.
• Workplace jealousy: In the workplace, jealousy can arise over a coworker's promotion, the attention they receive from superiors, or recognition for their work.

Causes of jealousy.

The causes of jealousy can be varied and, in many cases, are linked to emotional and psychological factors. Below are some of the main causes:

Personal insecurity.
People who experience low self-esteem or lack self-confidence are more likely to feel jealous. This happens because they don't feel valuable enough or deserving of affection, which leads them to think that someone else could easily replace them.

Past experiences.
Negative experiences in previous relationships, such as infidelity or betrayal, can deeply mark a person and make them more vulnerable to jealousy in future relationships. This tendency to distrust can carry over to new situations, even if there is no real threat.

Fear of abandonment.
Fear of abandonment is one of the most common causes of jealousy. People who have suffered emotional losses in the past, such as separation from a partner or estrangement from a close friend, may be afraid of experiencing that pain again, causing them to be hypersensitive to any signs of possible abandonment.

Comparison with others.
Constant comparison with others is another source of jealousy. In a world where social media plays a major role, it is easy to compare your personal, professional or physical life with that of others, which can lead to insecurity and feelings of jealousy when you perceive that someone else has something you want.

Dynamism in relationships.
Relationships are dynamic and change over time. The growth of a relationship, or the evolution of roles within it, can lead to jealousy if one person feels they are losing the attention or affection they once received. This is common when, for example, a new member of the family arrives, such as a child, or when a friend begins a new romantic relationship.

Manifestations of jealousy.

Jealousy manifests itself in a variety of ways and can have both an emotional and physical impact. Some of the most common manifestations include:

• Obsessive thoughts: Jealous people may develop intrusive thoughts about what their partner or friend is doing, constantly questioning their loyalty or affection.
• Controlling behavior: Jealousy often leads to controlling behaviors, such as checking your partner's cell phone, constantly asking about their activities, or demanding explanations.
• Anger and frustration: Jealousy can also trigger outbursts of anger or frustration, especially if the person feels they are not receiving the validation they need.
• Anxiety: Chronic jealousy can lead to anxiety, as the person feels constantly threatened or on the verge of losing what they consider important.
• Emotional isolation: In some cases, jealous people may become emotionally distant as a defense mechanism, believing that this will avoid the pain of a possible betrayal.

Consequences of jealousy.

When not managed properly, jealousy can have devastating consequences on relationships and the mental health of those who experience it. Some of the most serious consequences include:

• Relationship Deterioration: Constant jealousy can destroy trust in a relationship, causing the bond between people to fray over time. Control, mistrust, and frequent accusations create a toxic environment in which the relationship cannot flourish.
• Mental health impact: People who struggle with jealousy may experience high levels of stress and anxiety, which negatively impacts their emotional well-being. In extreme cases, jealousy can contribute to the development of disorders such as depression.
• Destructive behaviors: In some cases, jealousy can lead to destructive behaviors, such as physical or emotional violence, or manipulation to control the other person.

How to manage jealousy.

Despite being a common emotion, jealousy can be controlled with the right approach. Here are some strategies to manage jealousy in a healthy way:

Self-knowledge.
The first step in dealing with jealousy is to recognize it and understand where it comes from. Reflecting on your own insecurities and fears is essential to address the root of the problem rather than simply reacting to the symptoms.

Open communication.
Talking honestly and openly with the person involved in the relationship is essential to addressing jealousy. Expressing how you feel and why you feel that way can help resolve misunderstandings and build trust.

Building trust.
Working on mutual trust is key to overcoming jealousy. This involves being honest, keeping promises, and showing that you value the relationship.

Focus on yourself.
Building self-esteem and working on self-confidence is crucial. If you feel confident about yourself, jealousy is less likely to get the better of you. Doing activities you enjoy, taking care of your mental health, and surrounding yourself with supportive people are all ways to cultivate a strong sense of self.

Seek professional help.
In severe cases, where jealousy is chronic and severely impacts a person's life, seeking professional help may be necessary. Therapists can help identify patterns of behavior and offer tools to effectively manage them.

Jealousy is a complex emotion that, although natural, can become an obstacle to healthy relationships if not managed properly. Recognizing its presence, understanding its causes, and adopting strategies to manage it is key to maintaining harmony in personal relationships and emotional well-being. With the right approach, jealousy can be transformed from a threat into an opportunity to grow and strengthen our connections with others.